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My family and I are originally from Southern California. We moved out of state a while back and have made our home in New Mexico. I went back to visit in July 2010. I stayed with friends and family, but I was alone. In about 7 weeks I am planning on going back, this time with my family and my daughter :) She hasn't been to Cali since she was just a few months old. It means the world to me for her to see my Fathers Mother. She is the only Grandma I have left and I know that my father would want her to so see my daughter as soon as possible. Also I want to take my daughter to Disney Land. I don't know how my parents did it when I was a child because there were 4 of us and times were tough, but they worked a miracle and even though I was only about 5 or 6, I will never forget it! It really is magical and I think my daughter is at the perfect age to really go nuts! Before this vacation I want to be a new/better me. I want to feel good in my skin. I want to have energy to take advantage of the time we have there. I want to be strong and supportive for my family that needs me. I want to have fun and not stress about ANYTHING while I'm there.

Steps to success

I have 4 major goals:

• Goal #1 - Lose 20 lbs. I am a fairly active person. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week. I don't have a very consistent routine but I always run at least 2 miles. Starting next week I will go to the gym 4 mornings to do at least 3 miles of cardio and rotate between working upper body and lower body with abs EVERYDAY! I will take two evening classes on which I haven't decided yet. I will maintain a 1500 calorie/day diet. And I will spend 5 minutes a day on my AbCirlce (because it really has works for me). This will change from week to week. Increasing my workouts and decreasing my caloric intake. I don't think I will go lower than a 1000 calorie/day diet. It wouldn't be healthy.

• Goal #2 - Heal my Scars. I have been using cocoa butter daily for as long as I can remember. I have done some research and I am investing in a product that claims to work wonders. At this time I will not name the product, but after my experiment I will post the name and effectiveness :) I haven't purchased it yet but I will note in my blog when I do get it.

• Goal #3 - Get clear skin. As I said in my previous blog, I have tried a number of products for my skin. From Acne treatments, Acne friendly make-up, to doctor prescribed medications. There are 2 different products that I am considering right now. MaxClarity and Clinique Acne Solutions. I will continue to conduct research on the products until I feel confident in purchasing one. My mother said that her sisters used Clinique and it worked well for them. So if this is something hereditary then maybe it will work for me as well.

• Goal #4 - Find myself. This one is tricky. There are a lot of things that can help me find my way again. Accomplishing the first 3 goals that I have will be huge steps for me. I need to work on my sleep patterns. Its hard to fall asleep and/or stay asleep. My doctor gave me a few different meds to try, but I don't like the effects and I don't want to be addicted to something like that. I'm trying melatonin but I think I need a higher mg. I MUST quit smoking. It has made me feel disgusted with myself. Before my father passed away I would smoke from time to time but after this tragedy I have been smoking like a train. I bought my last pack last Friday and smoked my last full cigarette two days ago. I know I can do it and I know Ill feel so much better once its over. I need to find a way to let my creativity out. I'm getting really excited to do a makeover on my bedroom. I'm going to be painting the whole room. Sometimes I get really down and cant sleep when something is bothering me about my room. I also feel like I need to spend more time outside. Maybe I'm one of those people who needs sunshine for the vitamin D haha! Ive finally decided that Ill be going back to school this summer. Ill only be enrolling in one class until I can regain my financial aid. It will feel really good to be back in class.

So this is a start to rediscovering myself. I know that I have the support of friends and family. And since I started this blog yesterday I have a little excited feeling in my chest. I can feel my smile creeping back lol. I know that I can do this, and I will push myself to achieve my goals. I hope that happiness and peace are found along the way. I pray for this every night as well as count my blessings :) I know that I am a lucky girl.