Ive been in a slump. After having a baby it took me a while to try to lose the weight...and be serious about it. She is now 4 years old and I still have about 10 lbs to go to be at my pre-baby weight. Although I would like to set a goal of at least 20 lbs to be a leaner healthier me. To get an idea of how hard I have worked...I gained over 80 lbs during my pregnancy. I was very sick and it was mostly water weight. Gaining that weight has left my abdomen terribly scared with stretch marks.
I used to be a bikini girl. I lived in my bikinies. Sometimes I thing I took my body for granted...but I definitely did NOT! Ive always been a curvey girl and before I had my daughter I flaunted my body. I loved everything about my curves! And I never had a problem with showing a little skin...not in a trashy way of course. But since my daughter was born I feel like a burn victim! Although my abdomen has gotten much flatter the scars are still so terrible in my eyes. I feel like Ill never wear a bikini again!
When I was a teenager my skin got bad when I hit puberty. Acne covered my forehead. As I grew older it faded and I had a blemish on my cheek from time to time but nothing too serious. I still think I wore too much make up haha. But the funny thing about getting pregnant is that your hormones start bouncing off the walls! And all of a sudden I was 12 all over again! Acne covered my entire face! I tried ProActive and I was religious about it. It dried out my skin so bad and still left blemishes all over. FAIL! So I asked my doctor for help. She gave me a topical ointment. I couldn't take anything orally because I was breast feeding. Throughout the last 4 years I have tried a number of products. The worst was Nutrogena. It destroyed my skin! It dried it out so bad that my skin cracked and bled. It was so painful! So again, I went to my Dr. for help. I was prescribed an antibiotic and a topical ointment. It helped a lot. It came with a few unwanted side effects though :( the Retin A dried out my skin so that I could no longer get my facial hair waxed or go anywhere near the sun without a hat and lots of sunscreen. The antibiotic I had to take twice a day and soon started giving me yeast infections. About 4 months ago I stopped using both. My skin is still OK. I would say I have moderate acne. It usually acts up when I am menstrual. I have done a lot of research and I believe it is time to invest in my skin!
I used to feel like SUNSHINE :) I was happy all the time. So upbeat and optimistic about life. I always had a smile on my face, I was a shoulder to cry on, a positive word of comfort or love, and people would say it was like soaking up sunshine to be around me. I would laugh a lot. I would have energy to do anything and everything. I guess you could say I was bubbly too. April 17, 2009 my father passed away and my entire universe was turned upside down. For about 3 months I was lost and by lost I mean completely lost inside and out. I lost myself when he left. My heart was empty. My mind was scattered. My soul was broken. I felt like I was waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Sometimes I still feel that way. Ive tried so hard to get back to who I was. To look on the bright side, to be thankful for what I do have, to count my blessings everyday, to smile and laugh and let my heart flutter. But I cant. I feel stuck. Like I have nothing to be proud of. Like I have lost my way and I'm wandering around with no purpose. I know that I want more for my life. I want to have a family, get married, buy my own home. I want to go back to school, work more and hard to feel good about what I do. I want to be around the people that I love and feel like they feel good just being around me. I want to feel like SUNSHINE again!
- Goal #4 - Find PEACE, Find MIRANDA
So now I have to find ways to meet these Goals.....That will be a blog for tomorrow.
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